It was 8:24 am, and I was hurriedly walking from my apartment to school from orientation, which was supposed to start at 8:30 am. I decided to dress nice--not too nice, but just enough to pass as business casual, just in case there was a dress code for the day that I was unaware of. At the corner of 20th street and 5th avenue south, I encountered a man riding a bicycle. Being cautious, I gave the tiniest of smiles. He quickly stopped the bike, maybe a foot in front of me. "What is the time on your watch?" he asked. Not wearing a watch, I pulled out my phone to check the time. "It's 8:24," I said, and turned to keep walking. But he did not move out of the way. Instead, he held his hand out awkwardly. My first thought: Dang it, he wants my phone... what have I gotten myself into! My second thought: Oh, maybe he just wants to shake hands. Hmmm, never shake hands in the STD clinic... but I'm sure this man doesn't have syphilis, so okay. I tentatively stick my hand out, and he grabs it, and kisses it! Repulsed, I pull my hand back, turn, and scamper off. "I'm sorry," he calls out behind me, but I don't even turn my head.
For the rest of my walk, I smile at passersby only occasionally and talk to no one. I'm not even that attractive, I think. All I want to do is be friendly without being approached for money, cat-called, or touched! And then I really thought about it. How cold and calloused I was. How hard it is to practice what I preach about people on the streets. Being a single girl in my 20's, I know I need to be careful, but really, Jess? You won't even smile for fear of, what exactly-- being talked to? No wonder these people don't trust mainstream society, rarely open themselves up to others, and have less-than-refined social skills, if this is what they are repeatedly greeted with in return for even the most genial interactions. If that poor man never talks to a young white girl again, I have no one to blame but myself and the hundreds of others just like me. I know what you're thinking... It's okay, Jess! There are strange people out there. You have a right and good reason to be cautious and callous toward strangers. I would have done the same thing. But consider the story from this man's point of view:
His story (conjecture, but probably more true than we realize)
It was only my 4th day at my new job. I woke up at sunrise to get in the breakfast line at the shelter early so I would have plenty of time to make it to work by 8:30. Breakfast was out by 7:30 this morning, so I scarfed down some grits and orange juice, packed my belongings up from the shelter, and started the 20-minute bike ride from the shelter to my job. I was cutting it close and didn't have a clue what time it was. I know better than to approach people, especially around the medical district since most of them are always in a hurry, but then I saw a nice-looking girl smile at me from about a block away. I decided it was worth it to ask her for the time. I think I've startled her... oh no... ok, well, at least she told me what time it was. I have 6 minutes before I'm late to work, and I'll surely get fired if I'm late, but I really want to thank her. I'm so embarrassed, I have nothing to give her to thank her for her kindness. I've seen men kiss a lady's hand to be very polite before, so maybe I'll try that. Oh, no, I don't think she liked that. "I'm sorry," I said. What did I do wrong? I didn't mean to frighten her. I stand there, dumbfounded, watching her hurry away. I can't ever get it right, I guess she's just like the rest of them after all. And now I only have 4 minutes to get to work... f***!
What is this? Just an unfortunate interaction, or some commentary on social and societal conditioning? What gift would I have received if I hadn't just gone into survival mode and run off? I'll never know, because society says I'll do exactly the same thing tomorrow.
"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware." -Hebrews 13:2
-Jessi
i heart you! So true
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you stopped to think about the situation from his point of view, leads me to believe that maybe you won't react the same way next time.
ReplyDelete